There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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