if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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