my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
