My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
