Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
