so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Your penis caused this!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
