DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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