The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
