I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
