Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
