You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's like God shit irony all over that family
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
