it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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