you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
