I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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