Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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