Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
