I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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