Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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