I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
