Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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