You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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