i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
