Tell her she can't have a vagina
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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