Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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