My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
