one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
