She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
