no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
