It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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