38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
