The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
