4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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