We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
