i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
