I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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