I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
