Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
