Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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