Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
