So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
