I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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