I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
