don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you never un-have a 4some
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
