Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
