one might say we're banned from that church
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
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I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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