I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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