I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
