I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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