Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
