OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
