I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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