You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Im part way to drunk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
