I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
