you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
