You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
