Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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