Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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