I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
