I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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