Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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