We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
