She's JV to your varsity
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
