He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
