I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
