Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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