just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
