Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
