Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
