whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
