hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think my vagina is haunted
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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