Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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