my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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