Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
