i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
