He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
